the dream world

The common repsonse to lonliness and depression is sleep. We can kill the day by entering the dream world. But for me, sleep is much crueler than the time I spend awake. Every night, Mindy and I break up. Some nights, we get back together. Either way, I re-live my fears over and over. I wake up in the morning freaked out, trying to piece back together some sort of understanding as to what's real and what's not. The saddest mornings are when we get back together in my dreams becuase that's when I have to convince myself it didn't happen. "You lied to yourself again" I'd tell myself. "Go on, get out of bed. She still doesn't love you, and you're going to live with that". I try my hardest not to continue the dreams where we get back together, to wake myself up from those taunting thoughts. The longer and more believable they are, the harder it is for me to accept the fact that they were imagined. But I must accept them as not real. Otherwise, I'd be in real trouble.